When I first met the Lord, on a personal and deeper level, I had no idea who I was, but He did. He picked me up when I was out on my own and taught me to depend on Him. I was afraid. I had been hurt countless times and had become tough as nails on the outside, but inside I was searing and bitter and trusted no one.
I thought I was alone and it was me against the world, but then I heard a voice and felt a touch on my shoulder. Someone was talking to me, telling me to let go, let go of everything that I’d been holding on to. She said, “God wants to heal you but He needs you to let go, let go of all that you’ve been through.” She called me by name, even though she had never met me. She didn’t know me, but God did and He used her to speak to me. She named everything I’d been through and then God began to pull. As He let His messenger speak, He began to pull from me all the impurities and dross that I had held onto since I was just a child.
As I sat on my knees in the dark on a concrete floor at a small church in Enid, I found myself completely vulnerable. And for the first time in a long time, I knew what it was like to feel, to feel something more than anger, fear, and the need for self-preservation. There on that floor in front of people I barely knew, and one whom I didn’t know at all, I surrendered and God gave me a new heart and I’m determined to honor Him with it. I don’t want to hold on to anything that doesn’t belong in a place that God gave me. I’m determined to bring every hurt, every disappointment and lay it at His feet and I’m determined to always forgive.